Because expression of love differs…

It was their anniversary. She wanted to make it a memorable one for him. ‘I’ll never be able to outdo him’ she thought. He’s too perfect. So she decides to bake a rainbow cake, something she has done before. Excited and overwhelmed she begins.An hour before the anniversary, devastated and disappointing at the failed attempt, she sighs at yet another effort she realized would go unnoticed. It wasn’t like he would not appreciate, it was just that she was never good enough, never good enough for him. She begins her anniversary day by this beautiful extravagant cake he arranged for her. He feeds her the cake, sings ‘you look wonderful tonight’ and kisses her worries away.All this as she tries to hide her fingertips stained with food colors, still over weighed by the fact that she ll never be good enough for his love.

So he loves you like there is no tomorrow. Bringing flowers, sending cute texts randomly, taking you to your favorite eatery joint, listening to all the videos and songs you force him to and actually making an effort(despite hating alternative music). He listened to it all, he read every article, tried to make sense of your conversations when you ranted about all your work problems, family problems and everything in between.

And just like that everybody started to see perfection. This grand perfection in your relationship that you failed to look at. By no means did it ever mean,that he isn’t or wasn’t ‘The One’. He definitely is. But how tiring is it to be overpowered by the very person you love? How tiring is it to constantly compete to prove to yourself and the world that to are indeed really trying hard?

We are living in the generation, where people are more often than not, very strongly opinionated. Maybe to a fault. Is this right, is this wrong, well who knows? But ever wondered how does it feel to be overweighed and burdened by love. The happy kinda love the best kinda love. And no, nobody’s being ungrateful here, the point I am trying to make here is the fact that some people’s efforts go unnoticed.

There will always be that one person in the relationship, that struggles more, that puts more amount of efforts.The one that has been struggling to stay up till later in the night, the one who reminds herself to text while she leaves, the one who tries to remember the dates and the anniversaries, the one who tries to remember the first song he dedicated.

Does that make you scorn? does that make you feel like this person isn’t putting efforts? Let me clear this out for all those people who think they are the only ones putting efforts. So here goes…

We are the ones who are too forgetful to call, doesn’t mean we didn’t want to

We are the ones who go silent when hurt, doesn’t mean you are right

We are the ones who have been trying to remember events using calendar reminders,

we are the ones who have only just begun to go out of the way to make your day special,

No, we don’t text 9-5, no we don’t call every night, No we don’t go ‘baby’,’darling’ honest all night,

No, we don’t remember every little detail about our first kiss, doesn’t mean it wasn’t special

Yes, we are too weighed down by our insecurities, doesn’t mean we don’t fight them each day, for you!

So please do give us the benefit of the doubt. We are the ones who wouldn’t shout and scream of all the efforts we are putting in. Some people are just effortlessly the perfect partner in the relationship. Maybe all it takes is 10% extra effort to be that best girlfriend/ wife/ husband ever. But please for the love of god do remember,there is that underdog partner who is probably putting in 100% efforts just to be sane and normal in a relationship. And yes, they loose every time before your extravagant efforts, they really do. Doesn’t mean they aren’t trying. So please give it a thought every time before you pull them down by saying, ‘You are just not trying’ They probably are, what’s discouraging is their efforts being wasted like it meant nothing.

Open your eyes and see the world, there are people trying too hard to just be a part of your life! We are the ones struggling each day of our lives to be the best possible version of ourselves, this means different things to different people. Interpretations vary! Don’t judge the whole world on your scale of right and wrong, black and white. Because greys exist too!!!

Wandering or Lost?

She walked those cool marbled floors with a sense of eerie. The urge to
turn around was never more concerning. She believed in angels alright, but
that came with its own set of perks. The good with the bad, the right and
wrong, angels & ….she caught her stray thoughts. Her mind was again swaying
back to those thoughts. That is when she heard Ellie, her best friend, her
partner in crime, the one who just “got her”.
It had been 4 years, the accident that had devastated her life, her family,
her pet everything she felt close to her. Except Ellie!   Ellie and she
survived…somehow through it all, they just did.” Lets go by the river, let’s go
cycling…it’s been a while” said Ellie casually. “Not today, I don’t feel like it”.
“You never feel like It, I am sick of it…sick of the four walls and the cold floor, I
need air…I need light, let’s go Rihanna” announced Ellie, feeling more
confident by her firm demeanor. She sulked but she knew Ellie was right;
they could use some fresh air!
They dressed up in casual warm clothes. Rihanna turned and guffawed
at Ellie” not black, not black, I hate black, WEAR SOMETHING ELSE!” Rihanna
never got over black…the funeral, the dirt, the screeching brakes, the thud,
slow groans…they splintered her soul. Black rendered her hopeless.” Okay”-
said Ellie, no questions asked no explanation expected, it was understood, it
was Ellie- Rihanna after all!
As they strode across the path and took up their cycle she noticed Ellie’s
cycle was punctured. She wondered how? It had only been a fortnight since
they had refilled the air. “Kids” she thought carelessly.

As they reached the river she could feel eyes in her. Familiar people,
some she liked some she hated some just acquaintances. She despised this
feeling, they stared like she wasn’t herself anymore….! She ignored, Ellie
patted her and took her hand…they sat reminiscing the old days! She laughed,
so hard after so long! It felt good, dint feel wrong anymore, the laugh!
She doesn’t know how long she waited there. She was just discussing
prom, when a lady in white dress stood over her, pitiful eyes boring down on
Rihanna!” What” exclaimed Rihanna rebelliously! “We need to go back” said
the lady.
The next thing she remembered was waking up to the strangely familiar
buzz, she got up, but the chains pulled her back with vengeance. Nervous,
worried & panicking she pulled at the chains. They remained hinged and
unmovable! The white lady came in, same pitiful eyes and she squandered
about the room. Rihanna tried to speak, ask questions but words failed her.
“Ellie” she mustered strength finally. The white lady slashed out with an
unseen ferocity and slurred out the words. Rihanna dint seem to hear them.
Ellie sat across the bed rest and smiled. An uncanny vicious smile…and
muttered with an almost mute tone” schizophrenic they call you RI, they think
you are…” Ellie’s words muted out.
The realization struck in like a million times before…the hospital walls closed
in on her…yet again. These tiresome circles were just but a part of a
schizophrenic’s life.
She was losing herself to Ellie, realization dawned! Fighting a losing battle one
to many times…